I've been praying recently, "God, if it be your will..." and trying each day to listen and expect guidance. Last night Jason and I were talking and I asked him how I could pray "God, your will" and tell him what I want. It didn't seem to fit. Either I want what God wants in my life or I want what I want in my life. It felt awkward.
Then Jason simply asked me, "Will you still follow him if you don't get what you want?"
I stopped thinking and evaluating for a moment and just said, "Yes."
Maybe what I want is what God has planned for me. A few years ago, when I realized how much God loves me and how I could live one day a time in grace...ie, not be so anxious and worried and demanding of others all the time...I know that my heart started to open. Duane said it best one Sunday when he described a car in park with the person inside praying like crazy to do God's will. I have to engage the gears and put my hands on the wheel every morning, listening for direction.
I will pray for what I want in my life, my life with Jason, my family, friends, ministry and school. I will also pray to recognize the directions so I get to where God has planned for me to go.
Funny how this morning my devotional quote was:
"We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another."
